Voices

I haven't written in a while. I haven't had anything to say, and I haven't had time to say it. Sometimes I think one of those causes the other.

There have been tournaments...

 

 

and concerts

...and LOTS of prep for the above. Solo concertos to learn, ensemble pieces to mesh, choir parts to memorize, speeches to polish, rounds to debate, CX questions to prepare. Unique opportunities to lead and teach have also come up which I am so thankful for. But they, too, devour time. And then there's choir tour this weekend. Regionals the week after. And this little thing called school I've got to squeeze in somewhere.

    All of it amounts to noise in my head. "This is due in two days!" "Your concert is tomorrow and you're still not hitting the harmonic." "You won't pass the geometry test because you haven't had time to study." I'm glad I have an organized brain and I've always been good at focusing, getting things done, but blessings can be curses. I can't get the voices to be quiet. This season will pass, life will settle down. The voices will sleep. But what frightens me for the now is that all that noise will drown out the one Voice worth hearing, the voice of God.

    His voice says the most important thing is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength" (Luke 10). Loving God comes out in spending time with Him, and in "love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10, too). But the leeches of schedules and responsibilties have attached themselves to my heart and mind, sucking out my soul and strength. God gets the residue, the leftovers, when He should have the best of me. So I'm struggling, struggling to find the balance between my commitments and God's priorities. The one thing I know I can't let go of is my morning quiet time. I don't even turn on my phone before I've read the Bible, and prayed. Still, those voices nag at me, keeping me from really soaking in Scripture and really pouring out my heart to God.

    I like being busy, but busy with writing and friends and God's work. Honestly, I'm looking forward to when this wave of life subsides.  Until it does, though, I know I need to glorify God where I'm at. I pray that He will show me how.

Spring Reminds Me...

"For the love of Christ controls us...if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation. The old has passed away, behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God who reconciled us to  Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation."

           

           God is the source and the lifeblood of the universe, and He imprinted His especial thinking, feeling, creating image in humankind. But we chose rebellion. Every day we sin, scorning the Hand that made us and sustains us. So the world is broken, cracked from the core. And each human heart is a picture of the world: rotting away, aged with sin, destined to crumble. But there is a restoration. We can be made NEW.

      Because I have put my hope in the person and work of Jesus Christ, the gate to glory has been opened. Out goes my sin, in comes the joyful purpose I was made for. I am controlled by the love of Christ. As His love takes the place of my rebellion, I become it. I am new. Just like every spring. Today, the cracked old trees in the ditch behind my fence are wrapped in green. Out from the piles of leaf-skeletons sprout chutes, and the chutes blossom into color. New.

And someday, it won't be only hearts that are new. The grass won't only be green in the spring. 

Then I saw a NEW heaven and a NEW earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea.  And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”

 And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things NEW.”

(Revelation 21:1-5)

When I read this passage, its promise brings me to life. All the weariness of living for the God the world hates, of battling sin and sacrificing myself, is worth it. Because there's a future beyond now, a bright and eternal future. I will live in a new world, lit by His face.

When Worlds Collide

      There's not just one world-not really. There are billions upon billions, a world for each person who has breathed, thought, believed, doubted, loved. If you imagine the thousands of years earth has spun, that's a lot of people. Just right now, there are over seven billion souls. Seven billion worlds.

     Yes, worlds. We all may look at the same stars each night, but even those we see differently. We use lenses that are tinted by our own personal disposition, experiences, and beliefs. Those qualities are so strikingly different from soul to soul that it's like living in different universes. I mean, I dance in grocery stores all the time. It embarasses my little brother (backwards, I know), but I can't help it. I wonder how many people I dance by who see my vibrant world in blacks and greys. I wonder how many souls I've brushed up against who aren't here anymore because they lost hope.

            I snapped this photo at the San Antonio Stock Show and Rodeo because of the man in the booth. At least sixty, working a balloon dart booth with a traveling rodeo...not exactly the American dream. How different his story must be from mine, my story of friendships and relative wealth and opportunities! Maybe he had that, once, and lost it through bad choices. Maybe he regrets that now. Or maybe he has always struggled financially. Maybe he grew up without a father. I don't know; pretending I did would be judgmental and pretentious. But chances are he sees the world very differently than I do.

    Christians tend to see things in a similar light because we all "have the mind of Christ" (1st Cor. 2:16). But even then, we have different stories and burdens that we carry to the Cross. And even after Christ loosens the chains of sin, its residue will cling to us until the day this fallen life ends. I go through dark places sometimes with my own sin. Imagine how much darker those pits are for those who have no escape! In a non-negative way, our personalities shape our worlds individually, even with the united mind of Christ. Different things make us laugh and cry, and although we are called to love all men, there is no denying we love some more than others.

    Even though there's this plethora of parallel worlds, we can only BE in one, our own. There's no way to jump the borders into someone else's. Yes, we can empathize. Yes, we can get to know a person quite well. But we will never know the deepest parts of their hearts; only God is a soul-searcher. And we can never become them. I have my parent's DNA and I've been raised with my parent's constant influence, but I am not my parents. "By the grace of God, I am what I am" (1st Cor. 5:10). What we can do, though, is catch glimpses. And based on those glimpses, we can reach out and touch someone else's world.

    My younger cousin made me this sweet picture. Read the poem! It awoke me to a reality: I mean something to her. In her world, I am important. I never grasped that before. It's frightening that I've touched her world without knowing it, without even thinking about the influence I want to have. Glimpsing myself from her perspective has made me wonder: who else am I impacting without knowing it? There are people in my life that I would do anything for; am I that to someone? Most importantly, when they look at me, do they see the love of God?

    So I challenge you: try to catch a glimpse of someone else's world. Try to reach outside of your own soul and touch theirs. It may be painful, seeing from their view. But I know I'm the happiest when I'm not thinking of myself, and that only happens when I'm thinking of how I can point others to Christ. I can think of very few things more beautiful than choosing to see, and choosing to love.