Voices

I haven't written in a while. I haven't had anything to say, and I haven't had time to say it. Sometimes I think one of those causes the other.

There have been tournaments...

 

 

and concerts

...and LOTS of prep for the above. Solo concertos to learn, ensemble pieces to mesh, choir parts to memorize, speeches to polish, rounds to debate, CX questions to prepare. Unique opportunities to lead and teach have also come up which I am so thankful for. But they, too, devour time. And then there's choir tour this weekend. Regionals the week after. And this little thing called school I've got to squeeze in somewhere.

    All of it amounts to noise in my head. "This is due in two days!" "Your concert is tomorrow and you're still not hitting the harmonic." "You won't pass the geometry test because you haven't had time to study." I'm glad I have an organized brain and I've always been good at focusing, getting things done, but blessings can be curses. I can't get the voices to be quiet. This season will pass, life will settle down. The voices will sleep. But what frightens me for the now is that all that noise will drown out the one Voice worth hearing, the voice of God.

    His voice says the most important thing is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength" (Luke 10). Loving God comes out in spending time with Him, and in "love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10, too). But the leeches of schedules and responsibilties have attached themselves to my heart and mind, sucking out my soul and strength. God gets the residue, the leftovers, when He should have the best of me. So I'm struggling, struggling to find the balance between my commitments and God's priorities. The one thing I know I can't let go of is my morning quiet time. I don't even turn on my phone before I've read the Bible, and prayed. Still, those voices nag at me, keeping me from really soaking in Scripture and really pouring out my heart to God.

    I like being busy, but busy with writing and friends and God's work. Honestly, I'm looking forward to when this wave of life subsides.  Until it does, though, I know I need to glorify God where I'm at. I pray that He will show me how.