Hello There.

I might
(just maybe)
start to blog again

because,

life is beautiful...

...and weird...

...and sometimes confusing.

         I've been learning how to think and pray and talk, things I thought I already knew how to do, but I didn't really. God is shaping me into the image of His Son and giving me a whole new perspective on the world-"In Your light do we see light!" (Psalm 36:9). Living this perspective comes first, and it's wonderful, even in the times it hurts because I have to relinquish my desires-especially in those times. But for me, not writing about life is impossible. When I keep the words inside, they get bored and start fistfights in my head. For real. And sometimes, when I do write things, I want to share them. Not always, but sometimes.

 So my little blog is revisited. And to be perfectly honest, more than anything else it's because I'm not afraid of being called a nerd anymore. (Seriously, name one high schooler who blogs and isn't homeschooled!) 

        I guess that's another part of the new perspective God is hammering into me, little by little. As Paul says, "If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10) Even the tiny things, even writing and ignoring my insecurities, are part of becoming who God wants me to be, which is just a trifling, infinitesimal part of the BIG master plan to glorify Him. That's the purpose the world spins upon.

And so, here I am. Hello again!

Love,

Me

And the World Spins On

Summer is gone. Vanished.

Last I remember, there was a rush of swimming and sleepovers and trips to the beach, of scrambling to complete that ever-elusive summer to-do list. Amidst all the confusion, vacation slipped from my grasp. School was upon me.



Art filing: one of those to-do list items that didn't actually get done until last weekend.

Sending some short stories into a magazine was one of the first things on my summer to-do list, and I actually did it. Sort of. I mailed them all without stamps, so...this is take 2. :P

 My mind is a blur of biology definitions and character development and Euclid's postulates right now. It's easy to look wistfully at my summer photo albums and feel trapped in a world I certainly never wished for. But I can't let myself forget-life doesn't end after summer vacation.

God can use me just as well now as He could when I didn't have the constraints of school. He even understands geometry, for crying out loud! So, until Jesus returns and saves us from the world that feels especially imperfect right now, I'm going to try to "be diligent to be found by Him without spot or blemish and at peace" (2nd Peter 3:14). At peace, not anxious or discontent. Knowing I've run the race to the best my ability and given Him all glory.

Pray for me :)

 



Finished! :)

Now I just I need to send a copy to my favorite twins!

A Musical Monologue in the Third Person

(how's THAT for an exciting title?!)

Words are and always will be Aubrey's first love. Music has quietly crept up on her over the years. Both of them together? Rather wonderful, she thinks. (And she seriously has no idea why she is talking about herself in the third person.)

Aubrey is doing choir for the first time this year, and thus has already imagined herself as a world-famous singer/songwriter. The realistic half of her mind constantly reminds Aubrey that it won't happen, but the other half, being irrational by nature, blissfully ignores it.

And so, Aubrey turns her head to songwriting-in the noun's most singular form. Literally, Aubrey has written ONE SONG (almost). Here are the first verse and chorus she has come up with so far:

We seek to know ourselves and to change who we will be

But we easily forget who we are

What we will be is a mystery

Still we forget eternity

As we search for identity on earth

We know that when he appears

We'll be like Him

For we will see Him as He is

The confusion melts away like the mist when the sun is rising

Finally I can see through the glass

It's still blurred, like a vision

But the dream is soon to pass

And I'll look upon Your lovely face at last.

Love,

Me

The Eternal Farewell

We awoke that morning, not gently. Not to singing birds or warm sunlight, like in the stories, but to Truth. Its icy tendrils wrapped around us, digging into our skin, seeping into our blood, weaving its way through our bodies until it pierced our hearts.

The mirror had lost its deceptive sheen. Looking into it, we saw what we really were: hideous, disfigured, unspeakably vile. I watched you cry through the curtain of my own tears. The droplets froze on your mutilated face.

I felt Truth begin to wrap around my throat, strangling me. Breath came out from my twisted lips in broken gasps. I pleaded with you to cry for help, because you were still standing. You would not. A sneer transformed your face from wretched and pitiful to evil. It was watching you harden that gave me the strength I needed. With the last of my air, I croaked out the Name.

I had been taught the Name, heard it from many who had called on it before. So had you. Indeed, we both had even said we believed in the Name’s power. But not until that morning when Truth came had either of us called it.

The ice inside of me transformed into a raging fire, burning in my very soul. Warmth and life spread through my limbs. The mirror rippled, and the face in it-my own-transformed into a thing of beauty. Not pure, but a shadow of what it could be and someday would be. I had seen that face before. It belonged to the Name. No one alive had seen the Name, but I knew it well enough to recognize without seeing. It was inside of me-Truth, the Name, whatever one calls Him. Yes, Him.

I turned to you. Your face was contorted with inward pain, but no scream escaped your lips. You were not breathing at all. Truth had frozen within you because you refused to call the Name. Your heart was stone, you were a monster. Not yet complete Suffering, but a shadow of it, as I became a shadow of Him. You turned and began to run, straight towards an endless black pit. I ran after you, crying out your name, begging you to call for Him. You would not listen until you were over the pit’s edge. Then, it was too late.

I could not follow you. Because He is within me, there is another place I run to in the end, a place of joy. It could have been your home. But you were too proud.

You counted surrender as too high a cost for the salvation of your soul.

There and Back Again {Camp Regen 2012}

I'd been anticipating it for a whole year, building up images in my mind of what it would be like. The images grew in quantity and magnitude as camp got closer and closer. I was warned by my parents to reel in my expectations, lest I be bitterly disappointed.

I didn't.

And for once, I wasn't let down.



"Nomad to Ghost Rider. Do you read me, Ghost Rider? We were just wondering how our dust tastes. Apply cold water to burn and await further instructions. Over and out."



 Very possibly, the van ride was the best part of the entire trip. Not only were the coolest people ever in mine (or probably because they were), we sang and danced for the vast majority of the time. I never before realized it was possible to dance in a van. There were great conversations about struggles and the hope of Heaven, several gripping games of Mafia, and a lot of stupidly hilarious inside jokes. ("Look! There's a Tuscan Raider riding an Al Qaeda!")

CrossLife!

We pulled into the Glorieta campus at 4:00 PM, our van rocking (literally) with the combined energy of 14 sugar-high, underslept teenagers who'd been crammed in a van together for 20 hours. Awesome.

Andrew Guiterrez and Austin Duncan who is, by the way, my new favorite speaker.

The first session, taught by Austin Duncan, was on the Lordship of Christ.

Pre-session reaction: "Oh boy, I've heard this a million times already. Guess this one is for the unbelievers who were dragged here."

Post-session reaction: [insert bawling here]

I was in tears. Never before did I fully grasp the completely implications of Christ being Lord of the Universe, and of my life. I am His posession. He is not only the purpose and master of my existence, but the essence of it. I owe everything to Him; my sole goal is to glorify Him and preach His Word.

Small group was full of tears and testimonies. Pledges to keep eachother accountable. Prayers.

Wow. 2 hours into camp, and already God is working in wonderful ways.



^Morning devotions and just chilling with my Meir <3^

HOO, HA, YELLOW JACKETS! HOO, HA, YELLOW JACKETS! RICKA RACKA FIRECRACKER SIS BOOM BAH! YELLOW JACKET YELLOW JACKETS RAH RAH RAH!

(rally session)

The games were fun, and messy, and loud, and...messy. Yeah.

Apparently, the game crew's idea of fun for highschoolers is feeding eachother disgusting foods and getting muddy. And actually, it was pretty fun. xD

The legendary Kajavikankan, which is supposed to be played around a trash can with a pig's head on it. We kinda got off-center :P Our pig was named Wilbur.

 Night game #2-Ultimate Steal the Bacon Tournament, played in 50 degree weather while being sprayed by fire trucks. If I hadn't gotten hypothermia, it would've been almost as fun as Mission Impossible, the first night game. That one made you feel like a secret agent. This, more like a gladiator.

Love these girls <3

Highlights: every single small group, but especially the first and last. Van ride. Being Simeon's sister. Talking with Meir and Flo in the canoe. Stealing Arob's soccer ball. Meeting Austin Duncan in the Chuckwagon. Emma flat ironing my hair (nobody recognized me :D). Flash mobbing. Mission Impossible. Our team owning Neb's Head. Brazilian Joe. "Hello, how ya durin', how ya durin', hello." Hearing Pastor John MacArthur, who is practically a celebrity ;)

With John MacArthur

 It was  time of raw honesty, intense Spiritual growth, and pure, immature fun. I walked away bursting with meaningful conversations and love for every single person in CrossLife.

God has blessed me so much here.

I can honestly say I'm ecstatic to share the Gospel and live a life on fire for Christ alongside so many other faithful Believers. Camp changed me, not just on the emotional level, but forever.

And, hopefully, I'll be back next year.

(Mrs. Langenberg gets all photo credit.)

I'm still alive, I promise!

Hello!

I realize that I’ve abandoned my blog for over two weeks now, with absolutely no explanation. To the very [very] few who read it, I’m sorry. I have nothing important to say right now, but just to reassure you that I am, in fact, living and breathing, here is a lovely little bullet list I compiled this morning:

·         I went on vacation! To Arizona! To visit my wonderful Grandparents! (Ask me about their story some time; it’s truly a testimony to God’s faithfulness, even in light of human faithlessness.) Proof:

We stopped at Carlsbad Caverns on the way up. On our last visit, some five or six years ago, I spent most of my time being terrified. Now I LOVE it! It's seriously one of the most incredible places on earth, a testimony to God's creative design. Walking through the caverns, you can't doubt that a Designer's hand was in it all. None of the pictures did justice to the cave's majesty, but they were all stunning anyways...I couldn't decide which to post, so you'll just have to settle for me in "Fairyland". It's not exactly what I expected :P

Arizona Skyline

Dessert! (Ursula is a fabulous cook, as Ryan's smile testifies.)

Ringtoss aftermath. I just love this picture of Sean; for some reason, it seems to describe him perfectly.

Ursula also has wonderful wall decor, including this sword.

Ethan FINALLY got his Porsche ride! This is a moment he's been waiting for since...whenver he became obsessed with cars. In honor of the occasion, he went to Wal Mart with the SPECIFIC purpose of finding a blue Porsche Hot Wheels car thingy.

·         I learned to sew, sort of. Charity taught me. I feel that the venture was a success, because my black-and-white scraps of cloth mysteriously transformed into a purse. Also, it was wonderful spending time with Charity and the other girls. I received several encouraging compliments from Bethany which will probably carry me through the week, including “Aubrey, if we all woke up this morning and you were dead, it’d be kind of sad.” (Thanks, Bethany.)

·         Last time I babysat at the Franklin’s house, the kids and I made up stories. How it works: they all pick characters, and I build stories around those characters. Micah is always a lion, Hannah usually settles for nothing less than Queen, and with the other four, you never can tell. Bethel likes wise old _____ (insert some obscure fantasy creature here) and Laurel adores unicorns. David picks the most interesting characters I’ve ever heard of, including “stairs”. Trust me, he regretted that choice. Did I mention you have to act your character out? Anyways, I’m thinking some of these stories might turn into picture books in the near future. ;)

·         I finished the Mistborn series on vacation, and promptly ran into the bathroom sobbing. I’ll say nothing more about the ending, I swear. But I highly recommend them, if you’re over 13. I also ended Count of Monte Cristo and an assortment of books from Mrs. Brock. Now I’ve begun Mockingjay and Manalive…I think I’m going to like Manalive much better…

Thank you if you are still reading my blog. It means a great deal to me. :)